"Do you want to come hang out after the gig tonight?"
"I wish I could, but I have to get home. Thanks for asking!"
I cant' even imagine how many times I've recited that statement. It's not that I dislike people or that I'm antisocial. Maybe it's because I spent too much time wanting to be left alone to read, write, or play guitar when I was younger. Or maybe it was because I felt uncomfortable in large groups of people and preferred more one on one time with friends. Actually, it was because of all of these reasons.
I am an introvert.
It took a while before I understood why I was so quick to say no. There was always a comfort in being left alone to think and play out future endeavors in my mind. Unfortunately, it felt as though I was out of place because I didn't 'put myself out there'. The idea of being out front, charismatic, and a social butterfly was not appealing to me. Instead, being independent and quiet (unless I felt I had a strong disagreement or contribution to add) put my mind to ease.
Now imagine going into a career that is heavily grounded in networking. After all, music is a social art form. The idea is to create not only personal relationships, but musical comradery as well. Being that I am a jazz musician, I can speak from experience. The whole concept of improvisation is conversational. We speak amongst our fellow musicians with our instruments and if there is no connection, then the ability to create meaningful music is limited.
Furthermore, the business side of being a musician for me requires that I'm actively pursuing opportunities to perform and/or teach. Over the years I have made countless cold calls to venues and individuals in hopes of having a chance to book a date or have a potential student. Prior to each call I would take about five minutes to mentally prep and play out the conversation in my head. Was I nervous? Not at all!
Don't misunderstand. I do enjoy hanging out with people, but my relationships have been formed more deeply with only a limited few. The larger the group, the more disconnected I become. The longer I am social, the more time I need to "recharge". In fact, the idea of being alone for long periods of time doesn't bother me in the slightest.
"But what about being with your family?"
I have one word for you. Homebodies.
I am lucky to have a wife that shares a common attribute. Neither of us has ever been socially outgoing. However, having a child has pushed us into being a bit more adventurous. We still have a resistance, but we want our son to have the opportunity to explore and develop his personality.
Being an introvert doesn't mean that you are shy, stuck up, or antisocial, but rather that you are at your best when given time and space to contemplate. I'll leave you with a quote from Susan Cain, author of the book Quiet.
"Some of our greatest ideas, art, and inventions-from the theory of evolution to van Gogh's sunflowers to the personal computer-came from quiet and cerebral people who knew how to tune in to their inner worlds and the treasure to be found there."
